Shana Avery

Shana Avery, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

She/her/hers

Clients I work with: Adult individuals and couples

Issues I work with: Relationship patterns, communication, emotional intimacy, sexual concerns, premarital/pre-commitment concerns, attachment styles, emotion regulation, trust, life transitions, grief and loss, trauma, identity, self-worth, family of origin/issues from childhood, intergenerational patterns, anxiety, depression,  military life, and first responders.

 

My Approach

Your unique personhood is a culmination of your lived experience. You are always being shaped by your loves, losses, and life events. For all of the positive experiences you may have had, because you are human, you will also have endured hard things. None of us make it through to adulthood without being profoundly impacted by our relationships and life events. Your experiences form maps on the inside of you about what can be available to you in the world, who will be there for you, what needs or emotions are acceptable, and the extent to which you are loveable, worthy, and deserving.

When you find yourself in pain or struggle, it might be that there are some experiences or parts of your map that need going back for. I am certain you have found ways to survive, protect against, or adapt to the stressors of life or unmet relationship needs. These brilliant strategies have helped you get through all the hard moments, and they may also leave you feeling limited, stuck, or wounded. Over time, these feelings can take hold, influencing the way you feel about yourself, navigate emotions, set boundaries, trust, and relate to the people you love.

If you are noticing you have some well-worn patterns and ways of being that don’t always serve you or give you what you need, I can be alongside you. The journey of being human is never meant to be walked alone. It is my privilege to offer individual and couples therapy that is full of warmth and support, much like the experience of turning your face to the sun on a wintry day, to help you feel seen and make space for what you need. In this sacred space, your process of connection, healing, and growth can begin, where you do not have to hold so tightly to your protectors and your true self can shine. 

It is my passion to offer a safe, respectful, and skilled space as we work toward a deeper understanding of your pain and the unmet needs that underpin it. I will show up as human and authentic too, knowing that becoming whole is a process and all parts of you, and your relationship, are welcome.

I lean into evidence-based models that offer tried and tested maps for the process of creating lasting change. You help me know what you long for, what parts of your unique self you want to nurture or reclaim, and what kind of connection you want in your relationship, and I will serve as your guide through the process. You deserve to be free from past wounds and hurtful patterns and live in a place of security, calm, hope, and connection.

Couples Therapy

Using the framework of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, I work with couples to understand their emotions, needs for connection, hurts, and stress-mitigation systems. This process helps couples understand the different ways they show up in their love relationship, how these strategies can create conflict or distance, and how they navigate the process of reconnection and repair.

Sessions explore the familiar old patterns you find yourselves in, shifting the focus away from “who started” the disconnect, and instead, learning more about the missed needs, unseen emotions, and protections that are showing up for each partner during relationship distress. You each have a map for connection, grounded in earlier relationship experiences, that gets activated during moments of disconnection and conflict. Learning more about these maps for connection can help you understand each other better, access greater empathy, and open up new possibilities.

My goal is to help you both understand what is happening inside you and between you and find more effective ways to communicate, build security, and enjoy deeper emotional intimacy. Being able to slow the merry-go-round down, and access your emotions and needs is the foundation of a deeper connection. From there, I help you to reach for each other, and learn ways to be accessible and responsive to one another. We focus on ways to be each other’s ‘person’ and find your way back to connection and security whenever there is an inevitable miss.

Sessions help you build a bridge between your different ways of being in the world and develop a shared language for connection that you can lean into time and time again, especially during times of need. When relationships feel secure and satisfying, you are freed up to live more authentically, take risks to reach your potential and move through the challenges of life.

Individual Therapy

I can work with you to go deeper and explore the ways that life and relationships have shaped your current self. If you are vulnerable to anxiety, depression, feeling alone, or painful relationship patterns, I can help you understand the origins of these struggles and find your way out. As a relational and trauma-informed therapist, my skill lies in helping clients organize and make sense of their struggles, heal and process, and then create the change they desire.

I hold space for how your internal world has been shaped by the ways you have had to adapt, cope, and push through. I work to help you make sense of your innate strengths, resilience, and resources as well as the vulnerabilities, protections, patterns and hurts that often drive your behavior or responses.

Together, we slow everything down, supporting your nervous system to rest, reset, and resource. Leaning into the safety of our therapeutic relationship we go below the patterns or behaviors you seek to change and learn more about the very human emotions, wounds, limiting beliefs, and attachment needs that lie beneath.

Where old pain, family dynamics, trauma, or loss need tending to, I can guide you through this process. My role is to help you organize what is happening on the inside of you so that you can access your inner resources, wisdom, and needs. From there, I can help you find ways to share who you are with the people you care about the most, risk being more fully yourself, and create balance. I’m invested in supporting you to access everything you need to create the life you long for and experience the things that are important to you.

My Background

I hold a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Abilene Christian University, along with Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Howard Payne University.  My theoretical lens is grounded in Emotion Focused Therapy, Emotion Focused Individual Therapy, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, Attachment, Person-Centered Therapy, and Family Systems Theory. I have completed the Externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and actively pursuing ongoing training in EFT by pursuing certification in EFT through the Core Skills EFT training program.

I am a sex-positive, culturally humble, and LGBTQIA-allied therapist. I consider it a privilege and my life calling to walk beside you.