Ruth Pascoe, LPC

She/her/hers – what are personal pronouns and why do they matter?

Clients I work with: Adult individuals and couples

Issues I work with: Communication, emotional connection and intimacy, relationship patterns, self-esteem, shame, guilt, trust, identity, life transitions, limiting beliefs, grief, trauma, issues from childhood, emotion dysregulation, anxiety, and depression.

Finding our way back to our true and whole self can be a difficult and even painful journey, one that asks us to come face to face with feelings we have not yet owned, wounds we have not yet processed, and longings we have not yet voiced.

As an attachment-oriented and schema-informed therapist, I believe the distress we experience as humans is often the result of core childhood/human needs that have gone unmet. When our needs for comfort, validation, protection, and predictability are not actively attended to by our primary caregivers, we can be vulnerable to feeling unworthy, unsafe, and that our needs are unimportant.

The strategies we have for dealing with our unmet needs can certainly vary but often show up in similar patterns for managing stress, distress, and disconnection.

Some of us move towards others, hoping that if we fight loud, long, or hard enough, our pain and anger will eventually be acknowledged. Some of us move away from others, minimizing or numbing our emotions to keep from being disappointed all over again. Over time, we begin cutting off the parts of ourselves that we fear will be found unacceptable, and we take on strategies or protections that promise to prevent us from experiencing further harm.

As we progress into adulthood, these coping strategies are still playing out. It might be that we are starting to notice patterns, or that these strategies are no longer aiding us in the way they once were. In fact, at times, those same strategies and protective parts can actually keep us from getting what we really need – connection, safety, empathy, predictability, and/or validation.

Research confirms that our most profound experiences of healing occur within the context of an important relationship. In fact, it is in the warm and revealing glow of a healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, where we are freed up to grow most expansively.

Because those we hold closest to us also have the ability to bump up against our wounds and deepest hurts, I choose to work with individuals and couples. I support my clients to lean into the pain, to listen to what it is telling us about what we need, and to take the risk to share it with those they hold dear.

I offer a safe container where you can choose, piece by piece, to meet yourself and/or your partner, and all of your parts and pieces, in a process of connection, healing and growth. It is there, in the vulnerable meeting of self and others, that we can find our way back to our whole self or selves.

With all of my clients, I strive to share my belief that a relationship can be a healing force in and of itself. With that in mind, I take great care to build a therapeutic connection with each client, hopefully offering the experience of being seen and welcomed for who they are.

My passion for working with couples has led me deeper into the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, both evidence-based, well-researched models of creating relationship change. I utilize aspects of both of these models, adapting my approach in the manner that will best address the uniqueness of each couple. When working with couples, I first work on helping the partners to make sense of the emotions, hurts, and unmet needs that underpin the patterns they find themselves in and bring to light the internal scripts that each partner is vulnerable to during times of stress or conflict.

We will also examine the various ways in which the couple is communicating. Together, we explore the many ways in which needs are communicated and missed. We will thoughtfully consider your respective family of origin stories, reflecting on the ways in which your current interactions may have been impacted by experiences of the past.

Working at a pace that is manageable for both of you, we will bring understanding to places of reactivity, validation to still-open wounds, and clarity to unmet needs. I will also assist you as a couple to tap into your strengths, create soul-deep interactions that allow you into a new way of showing up for yourselves and for each other.

I also incorporate Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy into my work, working to help clients understand the lens through which they are viewing the world and supporting each client toward trusting their inner compass and designing a life that is satisfying, meaningful, and authentic.

I support clients to develop compassion and acceptance for the crests and troughs of emotion, helping them view emotions as the important messengers they are. Additionally, I strive to aid the people I work with to address their needs in a manner that fosters inner resilience, strength in vulnerability, and taps into the unparalleled power of connection.

Regardless of where you are in life, it would be my honor to walk alongside you as you step into the light of your truth and realize, perhaps for the first time, that you belonged there all along.